學習到學不下去，文字已經在我眼前開始解離了。
抽煙已經無法 calm down the nerves了，耳機的indie音樂開始變速了。
學到產生幻覺了。
但是即便如此，這個學期，我也必須從死人坑裡面爬出去！
為什麼大學是死人坑呢？因為每次我都像是演員，需要表演一個大學生和人討論我根本不喜歡的課題而且要裝的激情四射，然後其他人和死人一樣不會說話。早就厭倦了學習不喜歡的課題， 但是因為我是如此厭倦，我的演技非常精湛，別人都認為我非常喜歡這種課題。實在是不應該學習理科，或者是進入這間大學。高中的兄弟，希望你不會介懷我的背叛，沒有兄弟在一起打團戰，這個學不可謂不艱難。
即便我只想躺在床上聽歌，即便我想回到2000年重新來過，想和朋友坐在家裡在白色的mac裡面寫題目，而不是跑到學校去看一群人對著發光的螢幕不知道在上課的時候像OCD一樣滑來滑去，they don't even talk to each other...
我床頭掛了一副百慕達的水彩，那是一個陽光明媚的地方。有棕櫚樹和白色的別墅，翡翠藍的海水拍打著沙灘。多希望在那裡躺著。在那裡，我會幸福嗎？
Study till I can't. Text starts to dissociate in front of my eyes.
Smoking can't already calm down my nerves, indie music starts to drift away in my haedphone.
Study to hallucinate.
But even though this is the case, I am aware of the need to crawl out of this live burial pit.
Why my university gotta be a llive burial pit? I am like an actor that needs to play dead inside such pit. No, more like playing someone that is alive. Discussing a topic that I feel not passionate about but somehow acted like I would with other people in discussion. But since I am so freaking tired of doing this, my acting skill has become exceptional, and people will believe that I am in fact passionate. Shit, I should have never went into this college, I hope my brothers in High School is not mindful of my betryal when we went into diff universities but said we are in the shit together. This is not a teamfight, more like 1v9. Heard he is doing rough as well but fuck, cest la vie.
Even though all I wanted to do to waste my life is to lay down on a bed and listen to songs.
Even though all I wanted to do is to go back to year 2000 and start over, writing shitty codes on a mac with my bro, instead of going to a school to watch 200 people doing OCD like impulsive internet browsing in the middle of a lecture without even talking to people.
There is a watercolour of Bermuda on my bedroom wall. Lovely palm trees and white villa. Sunny place, gentle blue waves ebbing off the white sands. I wish I could be laying there right now. Will I felt a little bit happier than this?
insane playlist that accurately reflects my 100 hours of listening in 2024:
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