室友感冒了，雖然不是醫生，平日我也許會懸壺濟世，但是在武肺流行的今日，我心生遲疑，畢竟這也是一個醫療費動輒六位數的國度，而我作為一個private medicare supporter尚還未到叫政府給我兜底的田地，我對自己的這種想法有些鄙視，但是竟也能justify。
上工的時候，天殺的不鏽鋼炸鍋對我露出猙獰的一面，直接划穿橡膠手套，手套裡面可以說是噴濺出血紅的液體，有點像napa valley的紅酒那種的，瞬間頓時我感覺不好。手傷根本是小事，你小爺爺我又不是沒見過死人，凝血能力還強的一批，問題是手套這種屌毛設計，同個condom一樣，穿個孔便廢了，餘下的晚上我只能adapt, improvise, overcome，還開了一瓶紅酒。
雖然我們每日耀武揚威，好似日了世界，但是到頭來卻依然為小事所困，每日為一些屌毛事情擔驚受怕，走著形式主義。
為什麼？
我上了14年學，到頭來，只有區區1～2年是學我真正想學的，也是工作真真會用到的東西。We are all looking for an easy way out, most fear the easiest: Death. While I do not fear it, and even secretly wish to schedule it in advance, I know this is not my purpose. My life is not important, but if it can be wasted on something other people deemed valuable, I would rather push that schedule a bit behind... After-all, if I die tomorrow, there is actually a great relief in the sense that I can finally put myself to sleep without having to worry about deadlines and assignments. But it then comes back to the question: would it not mean that I chose the wrong path if I were to find it exhausting in any of my work?
“我想，世人誰不為優渥的生活條件所吸引？所以我選擇了最賺錢的職業。” 當年的我是這麼告訴自己的。
那麼，my dear self，let's bring it home!! Make it happen such it is a reality!!!!
Ich kann, weil ich will, was ich muss.
